A Lesson in Birthing
by vratsababe
Summary: Narcissa insists that Lucius joins her in taking a birthing class and Lucius is less than thrilled. When they step into the classroom, they realize the teachers are a little more than familiar.


027 Parents- Becoming

028 Children- In Process

"Narcissa, this really isn't necessary," Lucius insisted as his just barely visibly pregnant wife led him down the halls of St. Mungos. She rolled his eyes as he continued on his very long winded, well rehearsed script, "No Malfoy has ever taken a birthing class in all of our years of pure-blooded existence. You and I are very level-headed people and will be perfectly capable of raising a child."

"Lucius, it is very important to me," Narcissa stopped him and faced him, her perfectly shaped eyebrows rose. "I would like to take this class because I have never personally been a mother and you have never ever been a father. And in addition to your never being a father, Luce, you were never given a proper example and I know that you will do everything in your power to be different but still…"

She lost her train of thought and just looked up at her husband pleadingly. It was his turn to roll his eyes this time and uttered, "Come on," and followed her lead without another complaint.

That is, until they got to the door.

"Narcissa, think about this," he said warningly.

Her eyes widened and she locked her jaw in frustration, "Really, Lucius, you're pissing me off," she said, setting her arms akimbo. "I've already told you that I actually have thought about this and you are doing everything you can to weasel your way out of this."

"Speaking of weasels," Lucius looked over his wife's shoulder (thank Merlin for distractions) and spotted Arthur Weasley and his wife. "Getting ready to bless our planet with more blood traitors?" He addressed the Weasleys, who stopped before him.

Arthur looked at Lucius with absolute venom, but Molly grabbed his hand and forced civility into his voice, "Ah, Lucius. I see you're having your first?"

"And you're having your ninety-fifth?" Lucius replied with a sneer and Narcissa fell into her place next to her husband, adopting her superior attitude and demeanor. Lucius put his hand on Narcissa's stomach. "Yes, our son is due in late May. I only hope the new wing of the house will be done in time otherwise Draco's nursery may just have to be constructed in one of the plain old guest rooms. Where will your new child sleep? I'm guessing it'll be quite difficult to find a place with all of your children and your limited resources."

"Oh, I think we'll manage," Molly Weasley added as her husband turned positively red in fury. She basically pushed Arthur through the classroom door and slammed it behind her. Narcissa turned and looked at Lucius sternly, "New wing to the house, eh?"

"Yes, I'd been thinking about it," Lucius looked off into space at a point behind her. Without moving his eyes he interlaced his hand with hers and walked into the classroom.

The room's walls were the same sterile, pristine white as the rest of the hospital and had the same feel with its metal chairs and two person tables. A sickly green chalkboard adorned the front wall behind the instructor's table and a number of posters lined the walls with strange sorts of slogans. Lucius stopped to read a poster with an illustration of a couple with a child that read: "Don't even think about it! Shaking a baby? Forget about it". He raised an eyebrow and pointed it out to Narcissa, but she simply shrugged, "Some people are really that stupid. They need that sort of a reminder."

"Maybe they should shake their babies then. They don't need to reproduce," he said and Narcissa smacked his arm playfully, smiling as they took their seats in one of the middle desks. Narcissa looked around to try and spot the instructor, craning her neck to see around the other couples.Finally, she figured it out.

"Good morning, parents!" Molly Weasley stood before the class, her wand drawn. She used it to write across the chalkboard in a frilly, neat hand as she spoke, "Welcome to birthing class. Now, how many of you are first time parents?"

Narcissa raised her hand curtly and looked expectantly at Lucius. He sighed and raised a hand as well. Molly clapped her hands together, "Wonderful. How many of you are having your second child?" A few couples raised their hands, "And how many of you have had enough to supplement a nation's army? I'm just kidding. This one here will be my sixth, just in case anyone was wondering."

"She means ninety-sixth," Lucius mumbled quietly and Narcissa nudged him with an elbow.

The class went on for about two hours and they covered prepping for the birth, breathing exercises that she insisted the husband practice as well (Lucius was not thrilled), what to expect as far as pain went, and what kind of potions were available. They talked about home births and hospital births and cesareans and water births and all sorts of different scenarios and complications that could arise with any of them. Lucius suggested that they just Apparate the baby out; just to Narcissa, of course.

"And you tell me just how that would work, Luce, since you seem to be the one genius to think of this," She chuckled as they gathered their 'homework' and started for the exit.

Lucius shook his head, "I have no idea. It would be painless, though, wouldn't it?"

"Seeing as how the baby is cushioned in my internal organs, I would say no way it's painless," Narcissa insisted. "It would probably take a hold of my stomach or something, and I'd hemorrhage and die."

"That's gruesome, Cissa," He laughed and took the stack of parchment from her that she had been about to take and carried them for her.

She smiled and leaned her head against his shoulder, "Yes. Speaking of stomachs, I'm pregnant and hungry. Where are you taking me for lunch, my sweetest?"

"Only you could talk about a baby ripping out your stomach, causing you to bleed to death, and then ask for food, Cissa. I love you so much," He kissed her forehead and put his arm around her shoulders. "What would I ever do without you?"

"You'd need an alternate source of entertainment. That's for certain."


End file.
